Sunday, December 4, 2011

Bart Wars

Funny quote :
1-I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"

2-"Lisa honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?"

3- "Operator! Give me the number for 911!"

4-"It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone."

5-"Don't worry, son. I'm sure he's up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities: John Dilinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin." (on death of cat).

6-"Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You"

7-"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day."

8-"Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems."

9-"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

10-"Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours."

11-"And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream."

12-"Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college."

13-"Don't you ever, EVER talk that way about television."

14-"No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you."

15-"Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer."

16-"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English."

17-"Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation."

18-"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."

19-"You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."

20-"I have feelings too - like ''My stomach hurts'' or ''I'm going crazy!'

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