Creative Ads

Two Hunter

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Seconds From Disaster

smartest living person ever!

Joke of the day :)

Lawyer vs Auditor

An auditor and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from KL to KK. The lawyer asks if the Auditor would like to play a fun game? The Auditor, tired if the t wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,you pay me $5.00, and vice versa." Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."This catches the Auditor's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless he plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?" The Auditor doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a$5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer."Okay", says the lawyer, "your turn." He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer.He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library, no answer.Frustrated, he sends Emails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail.After an hour, he wakes the Auditor, and hands $500.00. The Auditor says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the Auditor and asks, "Well,what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Auditor reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and
goes back to sleep.

Typical Chinese

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.
He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral gains a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Chinese replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for only $15.41 and Expect it to be there when I return

Hokken Lang! ( Hokkien ppl )

Children is ginnakia
Boss son is towkaykia
Bird is chiaokia
Korean Car is Kia
Give Birth is se kia
Furniture is Ikea
Police is matakia
Small House is chukia
Country Name is Czechoslovakia
Puppy is gaokia
Kitten is ngiaokia
Chick is kueykia
Rabbit is tukia
Handphoneis nokia
I'm a Hokkienkia
Chinese is TeongKokKia
Malay is huankia
Hindu is cake lengkia
KuaiLou is angmo kia
Chinese is tenglangkia
Japanese is jitpun kia
Bad Guy is phaikia
Good Guy is ho kia
If you managed to read up to this point, you are a Gong Kia (stupid) If u laugh, you are SiauKia (mad)

ATM Drivethru

ATM

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Real Excuse Notes

These are actual excuse notes (original spelling intact) from some of the most unintentionally hilarious parents around:

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

Cheating Spouse Beware...

Interesting ad, so I snap it ..

6 Simple Step To Speed Up Your Internet - FOC

#
Step 1

Click "Start ." Go to "Control Panel." Go to "Network and Internet Connections" and then to "Internet Options." Under "Browsing History," click "Delete." Press the "Delete Files" button at the top of the dialogue box. When the files are deleted, click the "Settings" button under "Browsing History." Under "Check for Newer Versions of Stored Pages" select "Automatically." Type 75 in the field beside "Disk Space to Use" if you have a DSL connection. Type a number between 250 and 1024 if you're using dial-up. Click "OK."



#
Step 2

Check the telephone lines that you use to connect to the Internet, especially if you have dial-up service. If you hear noise or crackling on the line, replace the telephone cable that connects your modem to the telephone jack. If this doesn't solve the problem, contact your telephone company for repair.



#
Step 3

Run a full virus scan using a trusted antivirus software program. If the program finds viruses on your computer, remove or quarantine them immediately. Also, run a full scan for spyware that may be installed on your computer. If you are certain that the threat is not part of a software program you installed yourself, follow the anti-spyware program's instructions to remove the files. If you did install the software that the spyware is connected to, consider uninstalling it using "Add/Remove Programs" in "Control Panel."



#
Step 4

Upgrade your dial-up modem to one that can operate at 56 kilobytes per second. This is necessary only if you have a dial-up connection and are using a slow and outdated modem.



#
Step 5

Disable images and active content ,such as videos and animations, in your browser. Click "Start"; go to "Control Panel," then to "Network and Internet Connections" and finally to "Internet Options." Click the "Advanced" tab. Under "Multimedia," uncheck the boxes beside "Show Pictures," "Play Sounds," "Play Videos" and "Play Animations." Click "OK."



#
Step 6

Upgrade to DSL if you're using dial-up. DSL connections are not subject to the same connection problems as are dial-up connections. For example, most noise on your telephone line will not affect your DSL connection, since DSL signals are sent on frequencies that are not used in ordinary telephone transmissions. Also, many Internet providers are selling DSL service for a price that is comparable to dial-up. If you already have DSL, you may be able to get a faster connection for only a few dollars more per month.

Be kind or be cruel?

Act of kindness ends in tragedy

KUALA LUMPUR: An act of kindness ended in tragedy when a man trying to rescue a hit-and-run victim in the middle of the road caused the death of a motorcyclist and left another seriously injured.

The incident began when a hit-and-run accident left a motorcyclist lying injured at the KM11 of the Cheras-Kajang highway at around 11pm on Sun­day.

A passer-by stopped his car by the roadside and went to help the injured man.

While he was helping the victim, two motorcycles, believed to be speeding, rammed into his parked car.

One motorcyclist was flung to the other side of the road and into the path of an oncoming Proton Wira, killing him on the spot. The other motorcyclist was seriously injured.

Selangor Public Order and Traffic police chief Supt Che Hussin Omar said the deceased was identified as 20-year-old Mohd Noor Affendy Adnan.

The two injured men were rushed to Kajang Hospital for treatment.


___________________________________________

this remind me of a story... long long time ago, there was a kind hearted motorist, stop her car & give way for a cycling pedestrian who are trying to cross a road.. So the pedestrian took his bicycle & cross the road... walk, walk, walk and WHAM!!.. a motorcyclist came from behind hit the pedestrian .. sad indeed~ :(

Unfaithfull..

I am lion ?